So proud of you.
I've been looking at this picture for almost four years now. Before we first met in Düsseldorf I saw this picture on your Facebook profile. I saw strong eyes. After a few years together I wanted to have you on my phone's background. Of all the pictures where I love you, this one is so special to me. In it there's a part of you that doesn't come to light very often. Your authentic you. In this picture, you're not tuned into anyone else but yourself. What I mean by this, is that usually you're always about helping others with your light and your joy. It is beautiful to see, but your energy is focused on the people you are with. In this picture the movement of you is contained.
Only now that we're not together anymore do I see joy in this picture. Your eyes usually so soft made me see defiance. Now that I haven't really seen you in such a long time, I have no soft eyes to compare this picture with. And today I no longer see defiance. I see the eyes of a playful and joyful woman full of dignity. You're one of the very few people I know that are honestly and consistently in love with life. In your eyes I see an honesty that isn't easily shaken, a confidence that isn't easily challenged and a fierce gentleness that you choose to give with your presence. Maybe it is because there was defiance in me that I saw defiance in you. And maybe it's just because you have changed my life that I see that which I see in you now. Thank you for setting my course. There was life before and after we got together. Now, there is life before and after you left me.
Do I wish for us to be back together anew? Yes, I do. Yet my respect for what's best for you is stronger than my desire to be with you. This I can say with a smile. If you're better off without me, so be it. I promise. Whatever you feel is right for you is right for me. For I love you selflessly. So whatever is best for you is whatever's best for me. There's nothing holding me back from saying that I love you. You don't need to know it, hear it, see it or feel it for this to be true. And it is not because I cannot say it to you or be with you that I am tortured by it. In fact it's quite the opposite.
In the world of our personal dream things are just perfect the way they are. Our dream is not to be confused with expectations or desires, nor is it to be dismissed as a wishful thinking. Our dream is a space for the pure unfolding of imagination. Through the magical power of our spirit, heart and mind we can conjure existence. We see pictures in our minds, invoke feelings in our hearts and feel sensations in our bodies. We have the power to create beingness and life itself. The subtlety, however, is just to dream. We often confuse dreaming with desiring. Desiring is when we dream but cannot live with the fact that our dream isn't "real". We need to get what we desire. Let’s just dream and let the dream be. It never has to be realized because it already is real. :)
In my dream, I love you eternally and unconditionally. There, I am full of love and never sad. My energy is abundant and I give it with abundance and reverence. To you, to our relationship, to myself, to our friends, to our families and to our quest for love and mutual understanding. In my dream, we wake up every morning with a smile. We have a wonderful house somewhere close to a tropical beach. The sky is always blue and the sun always shines. When we wake up, we spend a few minutes in bed to cuddle. We love this moment, it's the best one really. We say to each other that we're in love and that we are grateful for starting this new day with each other. We're always at peace and have a deep desire to share the strength of our love with those around us, so that they may find solace and comfort through it. In my dream, we are a team, we're best friends, we're madly in love with each other, we are our best companions. In my dream, each time we look into each other's eyes, we see the love we have for each other. We smile knowing that nothing will ever go wrong. We believe in it with such certainty, it could inspire a new religion. We love to love what the other one loves because we know it makes them happy. In my dream, we love to make love too. We make love with reverence and joy. We look into each other's eyes smiling as we are in union. Nothing could make us more happy than sharing this moment with each other. From it is born an endless stream of love and affection. In union we hold each other very closely to feel oneness in body, mind and in soul. In my dream, we hold each other's hands and smile as we sleep. We dream about each other every night and as every new day is born, it feels like we love each other for the first and last time.
Thank you, C. I love you, in a way that cannot be put into word. As bloody cliché as this sounds, it is so accurate. Real love comes from the ocean of being, not from word or thought. Words and thoughts are infused with love through our being, but that being is as vast as the universe. And so the vastness of the ever-expanding universe loves you with me. Close your eyes and feel that love. It is endless. It can conquer anything. Close your eyes and dream about it. Let us keep a sense of magic and dream of a world where all is well and we love each other forever.
Love has the power of transformation. Love risks all. I stand before you in reverence and hold out my hand. If you so desire to take it and dream with me, you know where to find me. Or you can just tell me where you are and I'll come find you. So long my love, so long.